Race Recap: Tap ‘n Run

Posted: 05/25/2012 in Other length, Race Recaps
Tags: ,


It’s a bottle opener!

Someone, somewhere along the way is going to get all ‘new & improved’ on this bottle opener idea and try to add a screwdriver to it. *shudder* 

Just to please the lawyers: I am NOT suggesting that’s a good idea. Runners fall down and go boom sometimes. Preferrably not on screwdrivers attached to medals.

That being said – I do think this medal is pretty darn cool! I am sure one of them is going to spend the summer hanging off a fencepost on the patio right next to the grill. The run was a little pricey for a not-even-5k, so having a cool medal was a redeeming factor. Now about the race…

I think if you went into this thing with even a smidgen of an idea that you were going to actually run it. for time. and really invest yourself in PR’ing. you’re an asshole. you would be pretty upset.

This wasn’t a race. It was barely even a run. Hell – for some of the people there, it wasn’t even a walk. My friend Mike did the thing in a wheelchair due to a torn meniscus. And one guy’s costume involved a walker – like the kind old people use – so he was kinda assisted-walking it.

In fact, the thing kinda reminded me of this photo I have from Kindergarten halloween where I’m with my friends and we’re all dressed up in our costumes inside the classroom waiting to go parade around the schoolyard. I was a cross between a princess, a ballerina and those girls that do acrobatics on the backs of horses (c’mon, I was 5.). My friend John was a vampire and Keith was Superman. I can’t remember what Pat was – sorry, Pat. In Kindergarten. Not last weekend. Not that I can’t remember what Pat was in Kindergarten – I mean, Pat was Pat in Kindergarten, but I can’t remember his costume. Oh well. Simpler times. Guess ya had to be there. I assure you, we were adorable. I digress…

So the not-run race thingy, was pretty much a not-Halloween Kindergarten Halloween School Yard parade. For people over the age of 21. Who want to dress like giant Supersperm (oh, yes, there was). And drink beer. Costumes were glorious! I honestly think there were better costumes at this run than at ANY run I’ve been at before. Especially the team costumes. This would’ve been excellent to photograph if I’d had my camera.

Organizationally…it was a bit of a cluster. I don’t think they were really prepared to handle the 4000 people who showed up. In order to drink on the route (4k, so about 2.5 miles, with a 3-4oz chug of beer at each ‘k’), you had to get ID’d before you started and the lines to do that were LONG LONG LONG. Except that Eric (the husband) did this with me and he is masterful at the art of cutting in line. So for us, not so long. They were doing wave starts every 3-4 minutes – mainly because the starting line was at the crosswalk of a REALLY BUSY STREET and since they wanted us all to die didn’t shut down the street, we had to wait for the light to change to cross. Yep, you heard that right. There was a cop helping, thank goodness! Also helpful, that most of the 4000 people were still sober at this point. I’m assuming. It was the start line after all.

It was stupid hot out for a run/race/not-run/race thing, which made me glad that Eric came along on this one and that we were walking the whole thing together. It also made me glad that he’s not into the running thing – because he was all ‘hey – let’s skip the parts where it loops back on itself and there’s no beer to go grab’. The route was almost completely in the sun – as was the beer and as were the fragrant & upwind porta-potties. Yikes! If he hadn’t been there to be the evil angel on my shoulder encouraging me to skip the pointless parts, the beer would’ve been really warm when I got to it. And I would’ve been unhappy. He also went all evil angel grabbing us extra beers in the chug stations. I love him so much.

People, I married that man with MANY good reasons. Line-cutting, Shortcutting, and Beer Sneaking are just some of the top exquisite details on the list of ‘Why I said I DO!’.  He makes an excellent partner in crime.

He also rolls down hills pretty well. Which is what we did as we were leaving.

One of the nice opportunities this race brought was a chance to meet in person a FB friend that I’ve had for about 4 years. Completely pathetic that we’re both runners, live about 15 minutes apart, and up until last Saturday – had never met. BUT…on the flip side, if it weren’t for FB, Jason & I may never have met at all – and he’s the kind of person who DOES remember his camera for cool shit like weird ass not-Halloween beer-drinking parades. Unfortunately, 3,998 other people made him a little difficult to find so the husband & I didn’t catch up with him until we were on our way out and tipsy on rapidly transfused warm beer and sunshine. And we only had about 5 minutes to talk before I turned my head to see Eric somersaulting down the large hill next to us. People, he does that shit all. the time.

Since Eric didn’t die at the bottom of the hill, I decided to follow suit.

At 37 years old, I rolled down a hill for the first time ever.

I seriously could. NOT. STOP. LAUGHING. I may need to do that everywhere I go from now on. Because I’m an innovator,  I decided to do the barrel-roll technique instead of the somersault. Also because I thought I’d have better luck getting my ass around under me to stop – which I did every few feet just to make sure I could since I was a beginner barrel-hill-roll-downer. Don’t want to rush things and get a rolling-down-a-hill injury.

I’m not sure you can collect disability for that.

I’d love to have a closing point for this, but I don’t. Costumes, clusterfucks, warm beer, sunshine, kinda-new friends, and dizzy-laughing are all I got. Which ain’t a bad day in my book.


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