I’ve got my own chicken problems.

Posted: 08/17/2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: ,

So, while I was out walking around my beige maze of cubicles, I thought of a really good post idea.

But then by the time I got back to my desk, after having made myself a suspicious salad, I totally forgot my cool idea. Mainly because I’m still pretty distracted by my sore ass. I put 20 minutes in on the treadmill last night in an effort to loosen up the cheeks and then went to bootcamp again this morning only to find kicks & walking lunges & 80 more squats (speed squats) on today’s list. And actually, there was a little part of me that went RAH!! ONLY 80 squats! I got that! and then there was the other part where my ass whimpered in a way that could’ve been a fart, but I think it was a bonafied whimper. My ass did not loosen up on the treadmill. Or in bootcamp. Walking hurts. Bad. But less than sitting down and then standing back up again. And all I could focus on for a second was that when I got back to my desk, I was going to have to sit again. Then there went my cool idea right out my head.

So instead, you get to hear about sale chicken and how I’ve eaten chicken every freakin’ day this week. It also means that whatever I was going to write about will be ‘as seen on TV’ in about 6 months – because this is how it goes with my cool ideas that I rapidly forget. Apparently, I forget them, then someone else remembers them and makes a million-bajillion dollars off of them. So sale chicken…

One of my little time-saver thingys I do to be able to goof off play Xbox work out spend time with the husband pet the dog (which is NOT a euphemism for anything) get dinner on the table at a reasonable hour is cook the chicken ahead of time. This isn’t a new concept by any means. Except that normally when I read about preparing meals in bulk, it’s for families with 10 kids in them. We just have the little old 2 of us in our house. And I like food relatively fresh so all that freezer meal stuff doesn’t appeal to me. So, in a chicken week (yes, there’s a chicken week), I buy a package of chicken breasts – about 1.5-1.8 lbs for 3 breasts – season each of them differently and bake them. Then they get plunked into 3 different meals during the week. Also, I buy the cage-free, non-hormone, organically fed and given pedicures with spa treatments, cape-wearing, EXPENSIVE super-chicken. Shit never goes on sale.

Except that it did. Apparently, this is a secret known only to the Monday-grocery goers. Monday is sale super-chicken day. THE BIG PACKAGE.

So for the price that I usually spend on our measley 3-breast pack, I got 4.5 LBS OF CHICKEN. And as sale chicken goes, it needed to be cooked SOON. So I thought to myself, well – last time I roasted a whole chicken, I did it with lemon zest & herbs and didn’t that make the house smell so good and wouldn’t it be nice if our house smelled like something other than my gym bag and our dog?

It’s all good right? Of course it’s NOT good or I wouldn’t be writing about it. Ya know what happens when you pile lemon zest on ALL 4.5 lbs of chicken pieces – YOU CAN’T MAKE ENCHILADAS WITH IT. Which is normally day 2 of our chicken week. Without enchilada night, chicken week is just chaos. Day 1 – eat as seasoned and baked w/ a side-veg. You know, when it’s still good standing alone. Day 2- bury it in cheese & mole sauce. Day 3 – hit it up with some salad dressing & top a salad. Day 4 – THERE IS NO DAY 4! Why? Because you only bought three breasts, that’s why. THERE SHOULD NOT BE A DAY 4 IN SALE CHICKEN WORLD. Occasionally, you can alternate between Day 2 & Day 3. And that’s because you SEASONED THEM ALL DIFFERENTLY. But when you seasoned everything the same way, and you’re on Day 4 – Day 4 is WTF do I do with this chicken? day. You were thinking yourself lucky when you came up with an alternative to enchiladas on Day 2, but now you’re fucked. Also, Day 4 is the day where the chicken will win a stare-down contest, because no matter how long you stare at cooked chicken while you ask yourself ‘wtf do I do with this chicken?’ – it doesn’t look away first.

*sigh* And then the only meat-based protein on the salad bar at lunch today was…you guessed it, chicken. Which is what brought this issue to the surface. I could’ve eventually forgiven myself Day 4. But Day 5 – Day 5 becomes ‘rage against the chicken’ day right before it becomes ‘sighing acceptance that the only thing you’ll ever get to eat again is chicken no matter how chickened out you are’ day. On Day 5 – you become sad and compliant. You fall in line behind the other chicken-prisoners and you daydream about salmon and pork products.

But on the up-side, your whimper-farts smell like lemon zest.

  1. hahaha, funny! 🙂
    I’m the same way, I do a lot of cooking ahead, if it’s not cooked ahead, chances are that it’s going to waste. Good tip on not making it ALLLL lemon chicken! It could probably still be good on enchilaldas with enough salsa!


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