Posted: 01/04/2013 in Uncategorized
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Right now I am thinking – rather severly at myself – that I did not plan this day nearly well enough.

Or this week.

And I don’t have a fraction of the things that need my attention even close to complete.

As an organized girl, who usually keeps a pretty solid calendar and to-do list in her head at all times, this irks me. It also means this post is probably going to be a data dump of bitching so that I can just get the frustration (at myself) out of me. You’re welcome. (And I’m sorry. I really do try not to be negative, but sometimes I just need to open a gate and let it flow.)

It is entirely true possible that I had a shitty workout this morning and it’s put me in a cranky place. One of those workouts where you want to stay in bed, but you make yourself go anyway, and then as soon as you get moving you realize your body showed up late and your brain never showed up at all. So now you’re half-assing it not getting a solid workout AND you’re not getting more sleep.  The thought that I needed a mulligan on this day hit me at about 6:15am – which is entirely too early for a mulligan.

(At this point, all I can hear is the voice of Malick Bowens in my head telling me “God is laughing” – which is an Out of Africa reference that dates me sadly (and is so old as to need explained). One of my favorite movies of all time though. True story.)

Oh – and my hamstrings are super sore from compensating for the back thing last week, followed by running on ice. My workout was going so shitty that at one point I just stopped and decided to spend a few minutes stretching the backs of my legs – which my trainer picked up on and very nicely spent a few minutes helping me stretch them. But sitting at a desk has tightened them back up. Crud. Did I mention marathon training is supposed to start this weekend?

Except that I’m going to miss it, because doing that doesn’t mix with the Yoga Teacher Training (YTT), which also starts this weekend. I know I’m going to spend the next 6 months juggling all of this, and that once I get a handle on it, it will all work out. But today, I don’t feel like I have a handle on it and missing the first run meetup is a bummer. Also,I haven’t gotten a run in since Monday. Another bummer.

In fact, YTT starts tonight. I’m pretty excited about that – or I would be if I had just another week to get all the pre-work done. I’m not as prepared as I’d like to be (my own damn fault for getting on board with it late) and there’s this little struggle going on with the part of my brain that wants to get panicky about that. In reality, I’m probably far more prepared than I think I am whether I’ve finished the reading and watching the videos or not. But the panicky side doesn’t want to listen to that. I’ll get caught up. And I’m in the hands of a teacher who knows me. Dear Brain, please relax. All The Things will get done. Even if you don’t have everything you need when you get to class today, it will be okay. I promise. Just hope you remembered to put the right underpants in the gym bag.

Beyond that, it’s just work stuff and wondering how my nutrition is going to work on YTT Fridays. That’s the planning piece that’s really bothering me the most. I have an apple (A SUPERHUGE HONEYCRISP!!!) and almonds in my car and a granola bar tucked away, but for some reason my brain – oh silly, panicky brain- will not let go of the idea that I’ll be uncomfortably hungry in YTT. We don’t get out of class until 9pm – which is beyond the patience of my ugly-hungries. Again, I have what should be enough, and I had a filling  lunch, but the brain won’t listen.

Grrrr.  I read today that fear is just excitement dressed up in a bear suit. And I’m pretty sure that that’s all any of this crankiness is. Fear that I have no idea yet how I’m going to make all of this work out in a reasonable fashion – which is irksome to an organized girl. Fear that I’ll screw it all up, and that the little voice which felt so good telling  me to sign on for all of these things a few years months weeks ago is full of crap. Because when you know it’s ridiculous to expect your sore hamstrings to do a bootcamp, then a lunch run, followed by a yoga class evening, so then you half-ass the bootcamp and you skip the lunch run and you worry about the yoga class, you feel like you’re screwing some things up. Already. Grrr. But if there’s a lot of fear in there- and it’s just disguising excitement, then that’s a lot of excitement, right?

*Sigh*. All the things will get done. I will get a schedule figured out. My hamstrings will feel better. I will get my running in and Monday’s bootcamp will go better. It will all be okay. And I will accomplish this life as it should be. deep breath.


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