Archive for June, 2013

Peeps, this past week and a bit…there just aren’t words.

Well, okay, there *are* words because obviously I’m blogging about it, but seriously – I’m just not sure I’ll find the right ones.

I think I stepped into someone else’s life last week.  Seriously. I think the unverse got confused last Monday and while I was showering, it heaped a whole bunch of muck that didn’t belong to me onto my life.

Do you ever have that? Those phases where one thing happens after another thing after another thing – and NONE OF THEM are consistent with life as you know it. Like all the bad stuff that normal people get sprinkled throughout the year were saved up for you to experience in this ONE WEEK because frankly, you had more than your share of good stuff lately.

And because you don’t deal with such things on a regular basis, you have no immunity to them. The events just wipe you out completely. You get into an exhausted haze of asking yourself  WHAT. THE. HELL. UNIVERSE? THIS ISN’T HOW MY LIFE WORKS. PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER! I’m the girl with the easygoing lifestyle, fab husband and zen dog. My life is easy. That girl over there – yes, her – she’s the one with awful miscommunications, lost paperwork, and health issues. Not me. Her. Go get her! Sick your poison on someone else. And at this point I smack universe on the ass and send it off on it’s merry way to go screw over that girl. Nope. Not happenin’.

In a nutshell, the above pretty much sums it up – awful miscommunications, lost paperwork and health issues. All things which, being a type-A analyst and pretty intense into the fitness, I am not familiar with. I’m very organized and very healthy. So color me confused when it all went sideways at once.

The communications issues I’ll spare you.  Mainly because the thing that got my attention the most was a problem with my eyes, and that’s what I want to talk about.

Last Wednesday morning, when I opened my eyes, I couldn’t see very well. Everything was blurry and I couldn’t seem to get my vision to clear.  Now – I’m pretty sure I had every right to be freaking out about this – except that prior to having Lasik, I was functionally blind without my glasses. When that’s your background, you kind of expect that one day you’re going to piss the universe off and wake up blind.  So, instead of freaking out, I just took a deep breath, said ‘maybe today’s blind day’ and got in the shower. Told myself that I’d panic if it didn’t clear up by the time I needed to go drive carpool to work. Which it did. So fine. For a few days prior, my eyes had seemed really dry and irritated and I’d been hitting up the eye drops – but this was a step beyond that. Cue the eye doctor. Not MY eye doctor. AN eye doctor. My last eye doctor left me sitting in a waiting room for 2 hours until I left without being seen and so I haven’t been back.  I have to track down an opthamologist that takes walk-ins on a weeknight who tells me that –

Somehow I’ve gotten a bacterial infection in both eyes.  Somehow. I have no idea how. In 38 years, this is new. Lucky me! I can still surprise myself!

As he’s clicking away on a keyboard, Doc asks me where I want a prescription for eye drops sent electronically.

Me: Um, I don’t know? I…don’t…have…a pharmacy. (why I’m saying this like I’m guilty of something, I don’t know, but for a second I actually do feel guilty for being healthy.)

Doc.: You don’t have a pharmacy?

Me: No. I don’t really get prescriptions for anything. (again, with the guilty voice) Can you just write me one – you know, on paper? I’d like to get this filled tonight and I may need to go more than one place since I don’t know the hours anywhere.

He had to leave to go track down an actual prescription pad. I’m fairly certain he also had to look up how to write a prescription too. Sorry Doc – I guess I’m old school.  It is close to 8pm, which is when the Doc’s office closes – this is important – and I have one stop to make before trying to track down an open pharmacy.  I finally get to the pharmacy around 8:20.  I drop off the scrip and go pick out all new eyeliners since I know I’m about to throw out any eye makeup I can recall using in the last month. 

AAAnnd I hear my name called back to the pharmacy. That can’t be good.

Pharm Tech: I’m sorry but we can’t fill your prescription. You see, your Doctor wrote the wrong date on it. He wrote it for TOMORROW – so you’ll need to come back tomorrow.

We banter for a moment – having a conversation which Eric later summed up as “Really, there’s actually a rule that says a pharmacist can’t fill a prescription FROM THE FUTURE?”. Yep. There’s a rule. Blame Dr. Who.

She volunteers to call the Doc’s office since in my words “their office closed at 8, but you know they’re still there finishing paperwork & emptying wastebaskets”. No answer.  They try another location for the Doc’s office – that location can’t even confirm that the first location exists. Great – I am now looking like I made the whole thing up in an attempt to get illegal eye drops.  PEOPLE – IT’S EYE DROPS! What the heck kind of illegal activities can you do with eye drops?!!

Finally, the pharmacist herself comes over to talk to me. I wish I could say that I were nice or eloquent and perfectly respectful, that I handled things with grace, but I can’t say any of those things. I was exhausted, hangry (it’s way past dinner now), and just awed by the experience. In exasperation, I look her in the eye, and say “This should not be this complicated. It’s a typo. If it were a typo on the year, I would understand, but it’s ONE DAY. I was in the Doctor’s office right down the street less than an hour ago. I just want to be able to see when I wake up tomorrow.” I must have really looked at wit’s end, because she agrees to fill the prescription.

Then I get called back to the window again. My insurance says I’m not covered for prescriptions.

GAAHHHH!

I pay for the premium insurance package at my office. I KNOW I’ve got prescription coverage but I’m too tired to care. I tell them I’ll pay for it and yell at the insurance company later. $106 later. The next day I call the insurance company and tell them what happened –

Insur: Did you give them your prescription card?

Me: I don’t have a prescription card. You’ve never sent me one; am I supposed to have one?

Insur: Yes. It looks like we sent you one in 2009.

Me: I’ve never gotten one.

Insur:  We sent you one in 2009.  You haven’t had a prescription filled since then? If you didn’t get it, you should have let us know so we could send another. I’ll send one to you. It will take about a week for you to get it.

Me:  No. I haven’t had to have any prescriptions filled since before 2009. Obviously. So, I was supposed to call you in 2009 to tell you that I didn’t get the prescription card that I didn’t know I was supposed to be getting so I wouldn’t have known to expect to get it and therefore, to call if I didn’t get it?

Insur: ….yes.

My new prescription card is on the way. In the interim, she gave me all the numbers I need to make the computers show me as covered for prescriptions.  In the interim, my prescription card is a post-it note in my purse that I can take back to the pharmacy that already thinks I’m a back-alley eye-drop dealing bitch loon and have them re-process the claim.

Peeps…peeps…*deep breath & sigh*

The stop I made in between the eye doc and the pharmacy was to spend about 30 minutes with a group of friends – one of which has a child with a significant lifetime illness.   In this same week, I learned that a person whom I respect greatly has involved hospice in his health care options.  What’s been on my mind the most through this whole experience is that those people have to deal with this kind of crap every. single. day.

Frankly, that makes me really mad. and sad. and just shaking my head. This is what happens when the lawyers and insurance companies run the universe. You can’t get your eye drops without a lot of B.S.

For me, a prescription typo and a lost card are an inconvenience – an annoyance. But dealing with those types of things is a WAY OF LIFE for others. Just to live. I cannot even imagine the grace that would be required to get through the complications of needing daily prescriptions and doctors visits on a regular basis. My friends, they have a lot of grace. Me – I thought I had grace. Now I have $106 eye drops and a sense of outrage that this is what people who are sick have to go through. And I know there is someone out there that is going to want to make some comment about Obamacare, but let’s just nip that in the bud right now, ‘kay?

I don’t really have a point to this other than to share the story. Like I said, it’s been on my mind. Bothering me. I am a healthy person, and an extremely lucky person, and for me – just trying to get eye drops was a soul-sucking endeavor. It was not a healing experience. For people that are really sick, that need these things every day, that need a healing experience, it shouldn’t be this complicated.

It SHOULD NOT be this complicated.

So, I meant to write this post last Thursday for “Thursday Series” but then decided to put it off to Friday because it would be the last day of the month and I thought it would be better on the last day of the month. A monthly recap thingy. (See how bad I am at this Thursday thing already?) Then I got busy with the yoga weekend thing and now here it is Monday. And the 3rd of June. Which is not a Thursday or the last day of the month. But I’m still thinking about what I was thinking about, so there’s that.

Awhile ago I started reading this blog about trail running and on a fairly regular basis, Eric – the author – would write about “Can-Do Moments”.  Those moments when you cross over the line between ‘can I?’, ‘maybe?’ to “Wow! I really can do this!.” I like that phrase – “can-do moment”.

I’ve been thinking about my own can-do moments a lot over the last week.  Life has been kind lately. Passing them out like candy to the point that gratitude is overwhelming me.

Originally, on Thursday  Friday, I was going to write about my own trail running. If you recall, at the end of April, I set my mind to mastering the trail at my office with a specific goal of getting out on that trail at least once a week. It’s a pretty challenging trail but it’s well maintained and gravel. The problems I’ve had with it are mostly about consistency – not getting on it consistently and somehow expecting my pavement time to make that trail easier. That doesn’t work. Inconsistency rarely works for me.

On Friday, I was having a long day and wasn’t feeling like my trail run. But I thought – do it and you’ll have the goal for the month. You can write that you did it  – have yourself a can-do moment. And I did it. I went out there that Friday and I buckled down and did my work and I was really proud of that. I had made it out on that trail at least once a week for all of May! GO ME! I’d seen deer multiple times. I’d been dive-bombed by bees. Crossed paths with chipmunks. Once, I passed some co-workers on a hill and later they stopped me to say how strong I looked running that hill – which was what made me think of the can-do moment thing. Not only am I running that trail regularly – but I’m looking good doing it! (Okay, so I’m a little vain.)

I’ll also say that somewhere in this month of doing these runs, they’ve stopped being a vendetta chore. I’ve actually started looking for forward to them except for when I don’t. I catch myself standing up in my cube multiple times a morning to look out the windows across from me and check the weather – thinking how pretty it is, how that air will smell nice (It smelled GREAT today!) and the sun coming through the leaves makes me happy. When I look out there, I start tapping my foot and calculating several times how many more minutes I’ve got until I can justifiably go to lunch and get this run done.

I’m really loving these trail runs. When I don’t want to do the trail run, it’s never about the trail. It’s always about something else – a deadline, a sore ass, not enough sleep. Never about running and never about the trail. Also, I find myself wishing I did more trail runs than pavement runs.  So there’s that.

Then this weekend came and I went and got myself all certified to teach yoga. I’M A YOGA TEACHER!! 200-hour course DONE! MAJOR CAN-DO MOMENT! And I’ve got a plan to start teaching 2 mornings a week before work. I’ve worked it out with my boss to make it happen. Peeps – this is a thing I am VERY HAPPY – capital letter HAPPY – about!!

Finally came today. After 2 intense 90-minute yoga classes over the weekend, I was sore. I felt good, but I was pretty sore in my core, a little sore in my legs. I thought to myself – just pack up the gym bag anyway. I always like to have a packed gym bag at the office. From my view over the cube, I saw a breeze running through the trees and sunshine on leaves and I thought – it looks pretty nice out there. Go, even if you’re sore. You’ll regret it if you don’t. So I went and as I got started I said – just get through the first mile. You’ll feel better when the first mile is behind you. And I did. Then I went into the loop and I thought three different times about cutting it short before I reminded myself –  You’re out here to get stronger – and this is how you do that, you don’t cut it short when it feels hard. You’re running up a hill – it’s SUPPOSED TO FEEL HARD if you’re doing your work.  So I ran the loop, and I went to the overlook and I almost talked myself into NOT going up the set of 20 steep stairs that mark the halfway point. But I said to myself – SELF, the top of these is the best part of this whole run. If you aren’t going up them, why did you run up here? So I went up them and I took the pause to survey all the land, watch the birds for a moment – remind myself what about this is a good idea –

when I saw her.

Two honey-colored leaf-shaped ears and big brown eyes looking up at me from a grassy low-spot – the dark green field grass so tall it was chest high to her and I couldn’t see her legs. A beautiful, healthy doe. So odd that she was all alone – I usually see at least 2 or 3 together, but I didn’t see anyone others near and she didn’t look sick. If I hadn’t made myself climb those stairs, I never would’ve seen her. And I thought to myself – what an awesome reward for doing my work today!

Then I took a deep breath, turned it around and started back – looking back to see her still watching me even as I got further away. Course reversed – it was the back part of the out and back – and usually the part I get tired. Back is harder. Maybe I should cut it short here? Nope – go do the run the way it should be done. You’ve got good weather today – this won’t last much longer. Enjoy it now. Make your left back into the loop and do the whole thing. So I did. Talked myself through the inclines that hurt and the steep parts that hurt worse and smiled when the down hill came. And just as I came through the final curve in the loop,

I spooked something in trees just in front of me, right before the path opens up. I caught a glimpse of honey-brown and knew my deer had taken the short cut I’d passed on. I’d dropped out of the loop about 10ft behind her and she’d trotted across the only piece of road I cross on this trail. As the bushes opened up I noticed she wasn’t alone.

The tiniest, sparkly white-speckled, knock-kneed fawn I’d ever seen was 3-ft from her. Both of them about 15-ft from me now.

She hadn’t been alone in the grass – the grass had just been taller than the fawn. Peeps – it was soooooo pretty my eyes watered. Up until mama turned and licked little’s butt. Awk-ward! C’mon – this is real life, not Disney. Apparently, deer mommas lick fawn butt. There you have it. I decided to un-see that part. I stopped and waited for mama to pick a safe direction – and for her and little to move off the trail – little stopping one last time to take a good look at me.  How could I not be completely awestruck? Friends – seeing that was a better reward for doing all my work the way I should have than I ever would’ve asked for. If I hadn’t done every little bit of that work, and let myself enjoy it – my timing would’ve been off and I wouldn’t have gotten to see any of that.  If I’d said – hey, I’m tired and I worked out all weekend, I’m skipping it – I wouldn’t have seen that. If I hadn’t committed to this goal of mastering this trail, I would’ve cut it short and then shorter, and missed all of that.

Knowing that you got to see something AMAZING because you did all your work and you’ve been dedicated to your goal.

Friends, that’s a can-do moment. Humbled, amazed, lucky, proud, in trail love. All at the same time.

And the Summer is just getting started.