So here’s the thing & why I don’t want to be a douche-nozzle

Posted: 12/30/2013 in Uncategorized
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Friends, if you follow along on twitter or Facebook, you know it’s been an inconvenient weekend. I’m really focusing and honing in on that word – inconvenient. And I’m going to take a diversionary moment from our regularly scheduled programming  just to talk about a thing.

In the wee hours of Saturday morning, I woke up to Eric getting out of bed to let the puppy out. The other dog and I were all snuggled up and warm and I was grateful that he was making the trek with her out to the cold. Especially since I was so dog-tired I hadn’t even heard her fuss.  But then I realized I had to pee anyway – and hurried to get that done before he came back with her. You see, if Fred saw me, she’d get excited and then none of us would get back to sleep. It was some time between 2-3AM. I wanted to get back to sleep. And somewhere in my sleep haze, I thought I heard Eric talking with someone really loud outside – but that couldn’t be right, because who would he be talking too?

When I ventured downstairs, I walked into a darkened room where my outside door was standing wide open. Fred saw me and started running in and out and in a flash, I was creeped the hell out. This wasn’t right. Eric would never leave that door flapping around in the cold/dark and where is he anyway? We live near a University and sometimes bad things happen. Then I recalled the loud talking and thought to myself –

“I think I’m about to find my husband dead on the lawn.  I should probably put some shoes on.” 

Because your brain doesn’t work quite right when you wake up that way. And you really aren’t even awake anyway. But you’re wanting to go confront whatever is going on in the world – get your husband’s back –  in your pjs – but most definitely with shoes on. It’s at that point, I hear the gate and Eric’s voice acknowledging me, and I start breathing again. He tells me that some fool just hit my car and fled the scene. He didn’t see it, but our neighbor did – that’s who he was talking with – and that is probably what woke the puppy up.  *sigh*

Friends, the car is pretty bad. Like, had to be towed away on a flat bed  because it’s undriveable, bad. The past 48 hours have involved 3AM police reports, multiple insurance phone calls (luckily, I have great insurance), multiple car rental phone calls, lots of discussions about our theoretical options depending on whether the adjuster decides the car should be totaled or fixed, a shout out to social media in hopes of finding the mercedes that damaged me (he/she left pieces behind), and so many people telling me how ANGRY I should be.

So here’s the thing – I’m not angry.

Inconvenienced, yes. Frustrated, yes – more by the car rental place than the accident. Disappointed, certainly – that someone would do this and drive off abandoning their responsibility. I have a strong belief about the karma of property damage. Worried that I’m going to have to go car shopping when I really hadn’t planned on that right now – yup. I really, really like my car. It wasn’t a luxury car, but it was still pretty nice, and it was mine and all paid off.

But angry? Not so much.

It’s not because of the earthy, crunchy yoga stereotype thing. I do get angry. Maybe it has a little to do with thinking your husband might be dead for a minute really puts things into perspective. Or that a friend of mine was in an AWFUL accident a few weeks ago and miraculously walked away with bruises/scratches – that tends to lend some perspective as well. But mostly because I don’t think this is the sort of thing to waste my anger on. There are lots of things to be angry about – children being mistreated, the lack of resources/support for our veterans returning home, that people are irresponsible with their animals, etc. Those things deserve anger – in its use as a motivator to take productive action.

Getting angry because my personal vehicle was damaged by a reckless person, and after it was towed away they couldn’t get me a substitute vehicle fast enough to please me does not make me a productive person – it makes me a douche-nozzle. Stomping around, sulking and pouting is not really DOING ANYTHING.  Anger gets confused with productivity. Anger is not productive. It wastes time and energy and makes everyone else around you miserable with you.

I have found a useful tool when I am confronted by situations that would/should make me angry – I ask myself how I want to be remembered when this situation has passed. The only way to be remembered that way is to begin acting in that manner now – and I let that guide me. I do not want to be remembered by my husband as an angry person who sulked and shouted into the phone all weekend. I want to be the person who took care of the details, got the ball rolling on fixing the problem and then used the small amount of time we get together to enjoy myself. I choose not to be the angry person. I choose to be the productive person. I choose to be the grateful person.  Wait. Grateful?

Grateful. I am lucky.  First, and most importantly, as far as I know – no one was hurt. I assume the driver of the other car was not because they were well enough to drive away.  I am grateful that this happened while the car was parked without Eric or I or the dogs anywhere near it. Next, I can afford to have my own car – among other things. I have insurance, and we have a second vehicle. When phone calls got frustrating – we took a break to go out to eat, and then we went to the grocery store and re-stocked all our supplies. Because that needed done and we can do that. There are MANY, MANY people that cannot say any of those things. I am VERY grateful for my privilege and my good health that lets me commit to hard work to provide for my home. Eric & I are not wealthy people, but we have more than we need.

Do I forfeit my right or ability to be upset about this crappy thing happening because I have worked hard and can afford these things? No. I don’t believe that. Again, I’m frustrated and sad. I really thought reaching out to the 1000+ connections that we hit via social media that we’d yield some fruit on tracking down the car that did this – but nothing so far. I’m a little steamed that it was a mercedes that hit me and drove off  – which even used was probably worth a lot more than my car. But I do believe it’s better for me to spend my time acknowledging that this will pass, and that when it is over, I do not want to be the angry person. 

I am not angry. I am inconvenienced. That is different. It’s important to know the difference.

thoughts?

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